I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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