The maid of honor just puked.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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