Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
