Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
