i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
