remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
