I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
