never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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