he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ketchup is God's man juice
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
