just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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