I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
