I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
