drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize