Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
