It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize