call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
