he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
