What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
