I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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