The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fuck appropriateness.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
jump out the window naked night went bad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
