girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i came on her dog
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
