Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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