K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
