the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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