Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
