he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
