and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
