I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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