Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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