I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
