You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
