yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
