awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i think im in europe. pls send help
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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