Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm always down for nudity.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
