I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
