i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
