This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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