Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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