So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
