My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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