i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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