evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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