dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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