He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
