i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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