btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Small penises have feelings too.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
