thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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