Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
