my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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