rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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