i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
