I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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