false alarm. still invincible.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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