Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
