Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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