I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
