dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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