Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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