I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
