I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
