i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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