I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
