How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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