Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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