i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
