We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
