at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
