Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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