Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And then he peed in my hair
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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