haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize