she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
