my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
