Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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