I wannas sexs uuuuu
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
