You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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