you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
