I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
