she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
