its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
