i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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