Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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