Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
