i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
