Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
