I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
