no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
