I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
